Hello Fear
Fear can be defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something is dangerous.”
Honestly, that definition doesn’t quite capture what fear is to me. To me, fear is disarming. Fear makes me feel trapped. Fear makes me doubt myself and my potential.
What is fear? What is fear to you?
For a while, I didn’t know that I walked with fear. I wasn’t aware that some things I did were because of my fear. Fear of failure. Fear of ridicule. Fear of the unknown. Fear has always been something that I thought I didn’t feel. Or even if I felt it, I thought I could never admit it. I never wanted to be perceived as weak. Or rather, weaker than anyone else around me. Because the truth is, if everyone around me was afraid, I would have been comfortable enough to admit that I was afraid too. I would have embraced the comfort of camaraderie and quickly admitted that fear was part of my daily life too. Maybe, if more people had admitted to feeling fear, then I would have gotten up and screamed from my lungs “ME too!! I am afraid too!” But no one did, so I didn’t. It seemed like everyone had their lives together. It seemed that everywhere I turned everyone was doing better than me in one way or another. Someone always had better clothes, better hair, better grades, better friends, a better life and it looked like fear was nowhere to be found.
Whew! I need a breather.
I have found myself wrestling with fear for a while now especially regarding this blog. Since December 2017, I heard (yes, heard) that I was supposed to start this blog, I will give you a moment to check the calendar (LOL!) We are definitely not in 2017 or even 2018, it is April two thousand and NINETEEN! And I am just launching this blog. It is okay though because God doesn’t operate on human timing but He is a God of order. So since 2017, I knew that I had to start this platform and everywhere I turned, God reminded me of it. Seriously, every sermon, every prayer, every video, every post brought me back here. Truthfully, they felt like attacks. Each “attack” in a unique yet direct way to nudge me. I did everything in my power to discount, disqualify and discourage myself but still it was always there. Staring at me. Some days, I thought it was gone but then it would pop up like a Jack in the Box “hey! You missed me?? Still here!! zizzlyzo.com! zizzlyzo.com! Where is it? I’m waiting!”
So why didn’t I start sooner? The short answer? Fear. I was afraid to step into this. I was afraid to share my innermost thoughts with the world wide web. I was afraid no one was going to read this or worse, I was afraid that someone would actually read this. Then I realized something, fear is real. Fear is natural. But guess what? Fear is an emotion. It is NOT an identity. I can feel fear but I will not become fear. Becoming fear is paralyzing. There is a difference between feeling something and becoming it. The Bible says “Do not BE afraid” it doesn’t say don’t feel fear because that is nearly impossible. Feel your fear but work through the fear. Use the fear and move forward in spite of it.
“You cannot let your fear hold you back from your destiny, you have to feel the fear and do it anyways. Do it broke, do it scared, do it nervous.”
Going back to the Bible, it says “Do not BE afraid” because God knows what happens when you become fear, God knows that becoming fear will hinder you from stepping into the destiny that He has for you. The Bible also says “Be strong and courageous” Be strong. Be courageous. Why? Because God knows what happens when you are strong despite your surroundings. God knows what happens when you are courageous in spite of your emotions. If you want to become something, don’t become fear, become courage.
Listen, I want you to know that I would never write about something I have not extensively dealt with. I can only write from my experience. I can only write from my encounters. This is the reason why I started this post talking about my struggles, my feelings and my emotions because I think it is important for people to share their stories so anyone who is going through the same thing can have someone to identify with. So someone, maybe just one person, can read this and say “I am not alone”. And yes, I know walking with courage and becoming courage isn’t going to be easy but all you have to do is take it one day at a time. Forget about yesterday’s failures, don’t worry about tomorrow’s fear, just focus on today.
Are you walking with fear today? Or are you walking with courage?